Thursday, 27 May 2010

Am I really a Nice Person???

The question that has been on my mind the most these past 2 weeks is "Am i really a nice person??" I know that everybody wants to think that they are but at the end of the day we all want other's to think it too! Yes? Certain things i do without even thinking used to make me question myself as a person. Am i too loud? Bossy? Is my presence noticed and mainly do the people around me even like who i am??!

If i look at my life i have everything i could ever need or want. I have an amazing family, friends and boyfriend. The clothes, the car, the home and everything i want to fill it! What's even better is that it's all mine! I work for everything i have. I love that self admiration of knowing i am independent and can do it alone if i need too. Yet what is it that creates so much self doubt about myself - that niggling feeling that's always in the back of my mind?? Take the recent idea of career change, the idea seems great in theory, yet the thought of putting it into practice turns me into a shivering wreck with constant questions about my potential failure??

My New Years resolution was to stop caring about what other people think or say and just be happy in myself. Do what i want, wear what i want and live how i want. Yet this week i have felt at times as though the last 5 months of ignoring these reoccuring feelings has come crashing back down on top of me in one giant mess!

Take my friend, to protect her privacy i will refer to her as Milf. (A private joke between us.) She is honestly the nicest person i have ever known. I never hear her speak badly of anyone even if they do deserve it! She is always polite, helpful and sincere. I would love to be able to present myself as graciously as she does, yet after repeatedly trying, i just cant get it to stick!

What i am trying to tell you all and that i hope you will take away from reading this, is that you have to be happy with yourself, who you are and what you have got right now. Who cares about people from your past or your future?! Know that everything you have this second, you have gained yourself - you earned it! Everything that has happened to you or that you have done has led you to this moment, right here, right now. Only you know your true feelings & hopes and dreams for the future and only you have the desire, determination and ability to succeed in anything you do by using your own strength. Let the people who want to bring you down try! You have a choice - sink down with them or rise above it all knowing that you are who you are and that you're ok with that. :-)


Monday, 24 May 2010

Garden Pondering (Without the Pond!)

Even more gorgeous sunshine today has prompted exciting premonitions of the new house - with courtyard! Now, Jlowe is no fan of this courtyard but i love it. Yes it's ever so small and being the back of a terrace house, sits extremely close to the next door neighbours, but it's an opportunity to turn this concrete slab into my outside area to soak up the summer on a budget!

The essential in my mind to begin with is the table. I love Bistro Tables - especially the mosaic ones! My initial thoughts were to combine bright colours into this garden centerpiece, yet i opted to go for a more classic look to keep it up to date all year round. I love this mosaic table from Homebase: -

So with the table set up, my plan is too build with colour around this classic table, i want to inject the colour which will be much needed but also keep to classic styles which wont need updating every year!

As much as i love the white table, i can update the chairs with some tie on cushions - Ikea are great for little garden bits like these: -

Keeping with the classic red and white theme, these kitchen pieces, also from Ikea, would be the cutest finishing touch for bbq's or late night summer evening al fresco dinners:-

To finish the look i would opt for some sparsely placed greenery. I will share the end results with you all once it begins to come together in July. I am nothing of a plant or tree expert - most things i have had, have ended up in plant heaven! However, I just adore the round shaped trees that seem to be everywhere this year - perhaps i might put my own stamp on the greenery with ribbons or scarves for the pots or stalks. If i can dress up - why can't my plants?? This is most definately an idea i love and will definately be researching as i build my tranquil little courtyard paradise! As soon as my idea's start to become reality, i will keep you all involved with the progress. I can't wait - as long as the sun decides to stick around!


Sunday, 23 May 2010

2 fab women...1 giant cookbook!

Well with the weekend nearly over, i am just about ready for another! All this sun has been wonderful (if not a little unbearable at times today) and mixed with bbq's, pimms, wine it all becomes a little bit of a blur...apart from one thing which will be etched in my mind forever and i will watch again and again whenever i need a little pick me up.

The film i took with me to Mummy Friday was one i had wanted to see for a while. I never saw any trailers for this film but when i passed it in the supermarket one day i just knew i wanted to see it. This film is Julie & Julia.

The story is based on the life of Julia Childs, those of you into their cooking and baking will know that she was an American Chef in the 1960's teaching how to cook french cuisine. After moving to Paris with her husband and taking a class to pass the days away, she found a passion for cooking french cuisine as well as eating it. This classic woman was idolised by a modern day struggling New Yorker, Julie. As everyone around Julie seems to be doing things with their lives and becoming successful, Julie feels as though she is going nowhere and realises the thing she loves the most is to come home from a terrible day and cook. Therefore, she sets herself a goal. To cook the entire Julia Childs cookbook (approx 500 recepies) in 365 days and to start a blog about it. I do of course realise the irony of blogging about a film, in which someone is blogging about somebody else!

I wont tell you too much more about the film itself, but just ask that you please please try to watch it. The only word i have to describe just how totally wonderful it was Just wow. Despite the story being so heartwarming and uplifting, the captivating characters who in each couple are so in love it brings tears to your eyes and the achievements that each of these women complete in their stories, i was so utterly taken back by the beauty of some of the scenes. The settings - Paris to name my favourite! The gorgeous 1940's - 60's decor in the perisian rooms, Julia Childs' wonderful outfits - the dresses, jewels and pearls which were also mirrored in the way modern day Julie began to dress once beginning to really relate to Julia. Julie even sees Julia as being so glamourous because "she is wearing pearls in the kitchen". This is where i totally related to the film - the image of the perfect housewife, always so elegantly dressed and with such poise is something i have always aspired too. Now i am not saying that in anyway that us women need to be kept at home wearing pearls and making everthing perfect - good god no! Yet being houseproud is a trait i think is important to have. It shows pride in your home as well as in yourself. In no way have i ever kept to this little personal fantasy of mine except in my probably oh so empty mind, but i love to try as and when i can. I think my perfectionist ways stem from this image...Meryl Streep played this part so well that i think i fell in love with Julia whilst watching this film too.

I wont tell you if Julie finishes the task she sets herself, believe me it's not without trials and tribulations! Yet, with all this new blogging malarky which seems to have taken over my life (seriously, i've never had so much to say!) i felt connected to her too. As Julie says on occasion - Who knows if anyone is reading my posts, but if you are and are enjoying them then please keep following! One day there will be something worthwhile and amazing to read, something which changes me ever so slightly as person, helps me grow or shapes my life - the way re-creating a cook book was for Julie.


Friday, 21 May 2010

Mummy Friday......

I would be confident in saying that i have gained most of my inspiration over the years, not from clothes or jewels or anything shiny (which normally attracts my attention!) but from my mummy. One of my favourite things this year has been the beginning of "Mummy Fridays..." something which started as a way to avoid lonely friday night's in after the demise of my last relationship. This distraction has ended up becoming a brilliant way to bond with my mum and have the one to one time that i always craved as a child.

My childhood was a fairly normal and happy one. My parents divorced when i was about 11, leaving my mum as a single parent with 2 almost teenage children and a pretty hefty mortgage to keep paying. Having been a dutiful wife and mother - an almost domestic goddess you could say, she had never worked since marrying my dad as we were very comfortable with just the one wage in the family. I will always remember as month's went by, the mornings when letters would drop through the door, demands for money for household bills which unsuprisingly a single mother on benefits and a part time job was having difficulty in keeping up with. At some point though, something gave. She decided that she could keep motionless in the place in her life, jepordising the home she had built for her and her children - or she could do something about it. She decided to go back to college to complete her GCSE's - leaving school at 15 was something alot more common in her day! The 9 months to complete 3 GCSE's came and went and she decided to move forward towards a career in medicine by starting another year of the adult equivalent to A levels. Again this came and went - seems like such an age ago now. Things were not easy whilst these 2 years happened, money was even more stretched and her time was limited between study and working whenever she could to bring the extra cash in to keep us all going. I don't know if i could have kept going had i been in her shoes. Looking back i hadn't exactly turned into the perfect teenager and i know i made things much more difficult at times. I know she often threatened to just give up and get a full time job doing anything, but she never did.

Once the second year had passed, she managed to enrolle on a nursing course at the University of East Anglia. This went on for 3 years and i could see everyday she loved it a little bit more. Things were easier by this time - nurses studying are entitled to a bursary as they train. It really made all the difference and soon enough things started to return to normal.

In 2004, my mum graduated with a diploma in mental health nursing and has been working as a mental health and eldery nurse for the past 6 years. Watching her completely change everything about her life for the better, when it all could have fallen apart is honestly the most amazing thing i have ever seen anyone do. All the work that she had to put in was so tough for her and i like to think that "Mummy Fridays" are something that we can both appreciate now i am older. I most definately appreciate my mum alot more than i did when i was that terrible age of 14.

I think the reason we clashed so much as i grew up is because we are both such similar people, everyday i do become more and more like her. I used to despise people telling me this when i was younger, but now i secretly love to hear it. I couldn't possibly reveal her actual age (if she ever reads this then she would literally kill me dead!) but i think she's still got it! If i end up looking like she does after 2 kids and a life full of drama, then i will be one happy girly indeed!

She is the reason i come out with the most awful "Lindsey-isms" (as they have aptly named by work colleagues)...her brains are most definately in tact, yet her general common sense is not completely what i would call...desirable. She has had me crying with laughter to the point where i have heard the words "be careful with that tissue, the dye may come out of it!" When we go on day trips together she is the one who always has the coke bottle filled with pims in her handbag and not to mention the countless times i have had to play the adult when picking her up from nights out with friends! There is no end to our silliness and i think that's what makes our relationship unique. We understand, even when noone else does!

Thursday, 20 May 2010

So this is blogging...


This is my very first blog..ever! I honestly have no idea why i'm thinking i can start "writing" but you don't know unless you try right?!

So where to start, well if you read the about me section, you'll already know i live in Norwich. I'm currently working in finance and have been training to be a management accountant for the last two years. After a recent realisation that i simply do not know who i am, i have decided to start a blog and start writing about some up coming changes i hope to see in my life over the next coming months and years. I'm either one of the bravest people i know, or the stupidest...

My first chapter in this exciting new change is coming up in about a month's time, me and my boyfriend - who i will be referring to as Jlowe in posts - are about to move in together and become the "young professional couple" ....well as society would like to label us! Excited is an understatement for us both. Yes we have both lived with partners before, but this feels totally new and exciting. I will of course have to adjust living with a boy again, after living with my bestest of my besties, Charlott for the last 6 months! I am also going to have to adjust to the access of just 1 wardrobe instead of 2! This will probably result in lots more purchases of new (and old!) items of clothing...

My still reletively new relationship with Jlowe has been somewhat of a whirlwind so far, i still honestly can say i do not know where this amazing man came from, but i am most definately the happiest i have ever been. I am a very lucky girl and i really appreciate what i have right now every single day. My past has not always been one of joy and happiness, i've been struck with more drama, tragedy and hurt in my first 20 years than most people encounter in a lifetime! Yet, instead of shying away from my past, i use it as something i have grown from. I am proud to be who i am, independant, head strong, confident and i know what are the most important things to me and that's what keeps me sane.

My obsession for perfection is not a secret to the loved ones who know me well...and this is something that he is about to discover on a whole new level as i plan and organise decoration for the new house. Trying not to totally banish all his possesions (which i prefer to push to the depths of my mind on regular occasions!) is somewhat of a challenge for me, but i'm not doing too badly in my eyes...i'm sure his would see a different picture though...Over the next few weeks i will be searching for the perfect white accessories for the bedroom, along with the perfect dining room combination to blend with the varied looks i shall be presenting throughout the given 4 rooms i can control but also trying to com-pri-mise - a word i don't always receive well. There will no doubt be tantrums and upset along the way, both amusing as well as stressful - the amusing are the ones to remember - they are the ones that count!

Each day i will no doubt have new idea's and new exciting plans and dreams, which you will all get to read and see as days go by. I can only hope you enjoy reading what rambling i have to offer, as much as i will enjoy writing them.