The question that has been on my mind the most these past 2 weeks is "Am i really a nice person??" I know that everybody wants to think that they are but at the end of the day we all want other's to think it too! Yes? Certain things i do without even thinking used to make me question myself as a person. Am i too loud? Bossy? Is my presence noticed and mainly do the people around me even like who i am??!
If i look at my life i have everything i could ever need or want. I have an amazing family, friends and boyfriend. The clothes, the car, the home and everything i want to fill it! What's even better is that it's all mine! I work for everything i have. I love that self admiration of knowing i am independent and can do it alone if i need too. Yet what is it that creates so much self doubt about myself - that niggling feeling that's always in the back of my mind?? Take the recent idea of career change, the idea seems great in theory, yet the thought of putting it into practice turns me into a shivering wreck with constant questions about my potential failure??
My New Years resolution was to stop caring about what other people think or say and just be happy in myself. Do what i want, wear what i want and live how i want. Yet this week i have felt at times as though the last 5 months of ignoring these reoccuring feelings has come crashing back down on top of me in one giant mess!
Take my friend, to protect her privacy i will refer to her as Milf. (A private joke between us.) She is honestly the nicest person i have ever known. I never hear her speak badly of anyone even if they do deserve it! She is always polite, helpful and sincere. I would love to be able to present myself as graciously as she does, yet after repeatedly trying, i just cant get it to stick!
What i am trying to tell you all and that i hope you will take away from reading this, is that you have to be happy with yourself, who you are and what you have got right now. Who cares about people from your past or your future?! Know that everything you have this second, you have gained yourself - you earned it! Everything that has happened to you or that you have done has led you to this moment, right here, right now. Only you know your true feelings & hopes and dreams for the future and only you have the desire, determination and ability to succeed in anything you do by using your own strength. Let the people who want to bring you down try! You have a choice - sink down with them or rise above it all knowing that you are who you are and that you're ok with that. :-)